Alright, alright. This is another inspirational and personal post for FFK.
Lately, I find myself pressured to have a new partner. After my break-up from my first boyfriend, everybody’s been all eyes and all ears on who I’m with and who among them that I’m actually dating, and who among them will probably be my next love interest. I mean, I don’t understand what the fuss is all about. I’m only twenty. Ten years to thirty and I’m not even close to settling down. Even my Mom bugs me about my current love situation now that I have a job and all, and all I could do is shrug and tell her it will come in the right time.
Yes, okay. I won’t be hypocrite about it, I’m dating guys. And it fucking bores me. Opening yourself and your life to someone again, it somehow get in your nerves. I just want some time alone. That’s it. And when I told them that sentence, they thought that I’m a bitter bitch who can’t get over with her first love.
Well, that’s partly true. PARTLY. Because who can forget about their first love, right?
And here’s the whole truth.
I’m not single because I live in unending bitterness as I sulk in the corner thinking how that bastard broke my heart. NO. I’m single because I chose to. For what he’s up to right now, I’m happy for him. Maybe our relationship won’t really work out well if we stayed for too long. Maybe we’re both toxic to each other, maybe we drag each other down instead of lifting each other up. We made mistakes, I made mistakes. But I’m not the same person since then, because I learned.
I’m single because I want to do what I want to do before. And I want to do it alone. I want to love myself first and accept all the imperfections that I have so nobody can use it against me. I want to save myself because I’m no princess, and I don’t need to be saved. Because in solitary loneliness, you’ll have a clear view of what you really want and how you really want them.
I want to fall in love with my books, with my writings, with my words. I want to fall in love with the world and all its heartaches and glory. I want to just go out there and live. Just live. Savor every breath I take, enjoy every beer, every coffee, every late night talks, every pancakes and cheesecakes, and waffles, and dark chocolates. I want to touch the impossible, and probably fight the impossible. I want to live without any restrictions, or without worrying about anything nor anyone.
And I don’t think that I need a man to do it with me right now. Because I believe that this moment is mine. And I need this as much as I need that thick slice of pizza. Haha.
And to those who are currently undergoing this very situation, you are not alone.
To those who already went through it, I am very proud of you. 🙂