I know that I still need to finish 24 articles within three days, but I just feel the urge to post this as soon as possible before the inspiration run dry.
As I was pondering about my life yesterday, it surprised me how afraid I was in my whole life. Seriously, I’m the type of person who I thought was brave enough to accept things as they are, because I believe that I can’t do anything about it anyway.
Boy, I was so wrong.
There’s a very fine line between the fear of the unknown and the guts to accept the unknown. I thought I’m living the latter, but yesterday, It downed on me that I am actually living the former. I’ve accepted things because I fear them, I don’t want to question anything because I’m scared of the answer and the rejection that comes with it. Yes, maybe I didn’t experience being rejected several times, but I didn’t experience the utter happiness brought by the satisfaction of being successful after several attempts. I didn’t learn through trial and error, that’s the truth. My actions are calculated, my decisions are planned, I’m doing intensive research before jumping into anything. Ask me to go sky diving and I’ll tell you that you need to go first. Ask me to apply for my dream job in my dream company and I’ll tell you I’ll think about it.
Did you ever have that feeling that something’s missing? Yeah, like that cliche movie lines. Or that you should have done something but didn’t do it. I feel it a lot. To put the right words, I feel stuck. And the weird thing about it is I don’t know why. See, I have a job, I’m not unemployed nor underemployed, I have a roof above my head, food and water on the table, and any basic need that a human could ever ask for. I have a lot of dogs at home, they are all pure-breed Labradors and they’re all fluffy and big and sweet, two of them are pregnant and soon enough, our home would be full of black and brown fluffy retarded dogs.
But still, there’s something missing.
I am a simple type of person, my dream is to go to the city and have a job, build a cozy brick house and call it a home, and probably have my own family whatsoever. Or maybe have my own coffee shop, travel to Paris and the rest of Europe, and feed my hobby which is writing and photography.
There are dreams that are impossible for me and God knows how afraid I am to risk something out of normal to achieve it. I let some of the biggest opportunities of my life to pass by. And maybe that’s the sole reason why I always idolize people who always break the norms to get what they want.
Anyway, I’m still learning, I’m only 20 years old. I still have my life ahead of me, and I am beyond happy to realize after 20 years of my existence that I should go after what I want no matter how much it takes.
Because sometimes, all we need is that one big leap.
And I wish you do too. 🙂