Blog Self-Preservation

Because We Are Hiding Our Hands


I. I’ve been going down the memory lane lately. Reading old blog posts and diary entries, browsing through old photographs, and re-reading old love poems. I can’t believe how much time I’ve wasted on people who I once thought was my world. It’s funny how my own version of forever had ended, it doesn’t left any sound yet I feel it as it reverberates through my past and disturbing my present. But let me tell you this: I won’t let it go as far as my future with you.

II. I remember one night, as we were standing in the hallway with yellow tiles, you told me something that you remembered out of the blue. And then I saw your meek or rather nostalgic smile, and I don’t know why I wanted so bad to hug you all of a sudden. I restrained myself though, because I’m always afraid of rejections. And I get too many of them lately.

III. Here’s something I wrote at the back of a cupcake store receipt some time in September: “You can thank your stars all you want but I’ll always be the lucky one. I never like itineraries, I never like rules. Life is one big adventure. For what it’s worth, I will love you better.” And did I ever tell you that you taste a lot like that Salted Caramel Cheesecake I’ve ordered? You have the same effect on me, too. You make me giddy.

IV. All I want is to hold you forever / All I need is you more everyday / You saved my heart / From being broken apart / You gave your love away / And I’m thankful everyday / For the gift. Do you remember where you want this song to be played? I do. Just like I remember every single thing about you.

V. As I’ve been browsing through old memories, I realized that I haven’t wrote any single item for you (despite the occasional poems, of course) So I want to dedicate this one to you. Because you make me happy. Because you’re making me lose my mind since Day One. And because we are still hiding our hands.

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